death is a funny topic

well I wish it were so, anyway. My dear Grandmother died on Monday and we're preparing for her funeral on Saturday. Richie and I are working on a bulletin to hand out at the service - mostly Richie is doing that, but I might have the harder part since I am putting in the words.

So I started looking for inspirational or profound quotes or passages to put in the program, and one google search led me to the following:

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to be the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. -Jerry Seinfeld

You can have money piled to the ceiling, but the size of your funeral is still going to depend on the weather. -Chuck Tanner

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter -Sir Winston Churchill

Was Uncle Oscar's death very untimely, you ask? Well, it was near lunch. -Archie Bunker

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. -George Burns

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days. -Garrison Keillor

This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya , honey! - Redd Foxx (Sanford and Sons, for those of you who are so (un)cultured as to never have witnessed this scene - you have to picture Fred Sanford clutching his heart and staggering around, raising his other hand up to heaven - not because he's really having a heart attack, but because of an insignificant annoyance)

Google - you are so inappropriate! I can't put any of that in my
Grandmother's funeral bulletin! But LOL nonetheless, so thanks!

If any of you faithful readers are still kickin' when I am not, feel free to use something funny on my bulletin! Maybe just hand out a joke book? Why not!!